The whole H1N1 pandemic has me a bit concerned. I have had my regular flu shot but the H1N1 is still not readily available in my area yet. I have been checking almost everyday. I am a bit nervous about going to crowded public places. It is quite scary with the news of pregnancy women ended up in ICU and dying from this flu. I don't want to be hyper about it, but I have worked to hard to get this far in the pregnancy to take any chances. So I have been limiting my activities, which is hard for my son. We have avoided places like the children's museum, and the bounce places that he so loves, in an attempt to avoid H1N1. I also have been carrying hand sanitizer and antibacterial wipes with me and being super vigilant about them.
I have stopped sleeping, just can't seem to get comfortable. My pubic bone feels like it is splitting in half most of the time. She keeps kicking me in the cervix or something so hard it makes me feel like I am going to pee my pants and throw up at the same time. But I am not complaining. I thank god for every nudge and kick. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable I am, I know it is worth it.
I have started getting her room ready, although I have to admit it makes me a little nervous. Her clothes are being washed, and will soon be hung in her closet. My anxiety is still there in the back of my mind however. I sometimes cannot believe that she will be here soon. I am scared that everything is so out of my control. As long as she is still inside my belly, there is nothing I can do to make sure nothing will happen to her. I know it is best for her to stay inside for as long as possible but I would be lying to say I am not worried about cord accidents and other causes of fetal death. I guess because of my history, the anxiety and uncertainty will always be there.
I still get worried when she is quiet, and although I try not to be superstitious, it is hard. This morning a necklace that I have been wearing for the whole pregnancy broke. I almost had an anxiety attack when this happened. It is a swarovski crystal egg necklace from the born collection which is a symbol of fertility. My mother in law got this for me for mother's day this year. I began to cry, worry aloud that is was a bad omen, but my husband firmly reminded me that it was just a necklace and nothing more. I am however taking it to get fixed tomorrow.
This tail end of the pregnancy is different then my last. For my son, I was put on bed rest because of pre-eclampsia at this week and spent the next 6 weeks on the couch, watching TV, reading books and the like. And delivered all 8lbs 14oz of him at 37 1/2 weeks. So far my blood pressure has stayed down with this pregnancy, so I am still up and around. Boy can I feel it. I am so exhausted, and it is difficult looking after my son. Right now I am tentatively scheduled for a c-section on 12/29 which is only 5 days before my due date. My husband does not think there is anyway I will make it still then, especially since the baby is measuring so large, approx 2 weeks ahead. So I guess we will see.
I will keep you updated. I have a Dr's appt tomorrow, and am supposed to find out the actual scheduled delivery date!
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