So the rollercoaster ride continues...

Sorry it has been a while since I posted an update but my Mother in Law was visiting, and the computer is in our spare room where she was staying and I just didn't get a moment to get on there.

So they have decided that I have ovulatory disfunction. Mainly that I tend to ovulate too early, which means that the uterine lining and hormone levels are not ready for pregnancy when the fertilized egg tries to implant, thus pregnant but inevitable miscarriage.

So the solution for this is to take over chemically the whole ovulation process and do a complete cycle with insemination to give us the best odds. RE says this creates a better ovulation and better egg quality.

So the way this works is that I have been taking synarel since Saturday to shut my ovaries down, so there is no chance they can do anything before the Dr wants them to.

Once I get my period, I am supposed to start shots of FSH or Gonal F, then after 7 days have daily ultrasounds to monitor the progress of the follicles. Once they are mature, then I get an HCG shot to stimulate ovulation, and have sex and insemination and hopefully success!

So here I am 7 days away from when Aunt Flo is supposed to arrive and I have already screwed up the whole process. I got a positive pregnancy test this morning. oh no...

So I went to have blood work this morning and will get the results tomorrow. So RE had me stop the synarel until we figure out if this is a go or not.

I am not too hopeful, feel like I will probably miscarry this pregnancy too, since I ovulated 5 day early this month. Guess I just have to wait and pray....

This ones over...miscarrage #3

Well the one of the Dr.'s from group called last night. My beta went down to 74, definitely not a viable pregnancy. So she said the bleeding would likely get heavier in the next day or so. I tried so hard not to cry on the phone, but it didn't work. She was so nice about it and apologized and offered to have the office call me in the morning to schedule an appointment.

When the Dr called me and DH, were just getting ready to go over to my family's house for dinner, so DH called them and let them know we weren't coming. And then I just sobbed my heard out until I couldn't cry anymore.

Then I got angry! Why do someone people have it so easy, they get pregnant, stay pregnant, never ever thinking that something might go wrong. It is so unfair. I feel like I can never actually say I am having a baby. I can only say I am pregnant, because being pregnant for me does not necessarily lead to a baby in 9 months, actually more often than not, it seems it definitely does not. Miscarriage is cruel. It takes the innocence away from pregnancy. It makes you walk on eggshells, afraid to even be happy or hopeful for a second.

What is the point of being able to get pregnant so easily if I can't stay pregnant! I would almost rather not be able to get pregnant at all..then I wouldn't keep getting my hopes up, just to be crushed again.

I will not forget about these little ones lost...
m/c #1 - May 27, 2005 - 10 weeks
m/c #2 - August 31, 2006- 5 weeks
m/c #3 - November 30, 2008 - 4 weeks, 4 days