A little bit more pregnant!

So the results are in and we are up to 597 as of Friday! So RE says the next step is to call today and schedule an ultrasound to see what is going on. I have to say that I am pretty anxious. I have been purposely keeping myself busy to keep my mind off of things. But still the fear is there, every twinge, every time I go to the bathroom, every time I wait for the Dr to call.

But I have decided to not be crazy this time, that just because I read the pregnancy book or looked at a maternity shirt, that I did not jinx myself. I putting this one entirely in God's hands, and focusing on the fact that nothing I do will make any difference. If it is meant to be then it will work if not then at least we have a plan to give us better odds next time around.

In a way my husband and I are just kind of pretending that I am not pregnant, and not focusing on it or thinking about it. I know that is a little weird but I think we have to remain a bit detached to save our sanity. I think if we make it past where we lost the last pregnancy we may feel a little better.

But to tell the truth I know I will be on edge until I am holding a baby in my arms. For me pregnancy means only that I am technically pregnant, it does not necessarily mean I am having a baby. The innocence and joy of being pregnant was lost awhile ago.