Hating the waiting

So this is the first week I did not have an ultrasound. I am not handling the not knowing well. I think I have found the baby's heartbeat a couple of times with the doppler but not in the last two days. I am starting to feel really worried even though I know it is early. My next ultrasound is Thursday. My mother-in-law is coming in from Florida tomorrow for my son's birthday and is planning on going to the ultrasound with me. My biggest fear is that I will get the worst news with her and my mother there. I just wish there was a way to know...

The fear is still there....

I want to be happy, but I just can't seem to to be. The fear is still there, hovering over my every moment. I am constantly second guessing the symptoms. Do my boobs still hurt? Do they hurt less than yesterday? Am I nauseous or it is just in my head? The fear every time I go to the bathroom, is that mucus slightly pink? Every little pain, is that a cramp, is this the beginning of the end. My husband doesn't understand even though he tries, his attitude is everything is fine, we saw the ultrasound. I just try to get by every day and wonder when or if I will every feel confident enough to be happy. I just keep telling myself I am pregnant and that is all that matters, and I guess we will see what Friday will bring.