It's a . . .

A GIRL! She was not much more cooperative this time. It took them forever to get the pictures of the heart that they wanted. But everything looks good the heart looks normal, which was a relief. This doesn't mean that she doesn't have down syndrome but with everything being normal it lowers our risk factor. So now we just have to wait and see.

I really can't believe it is a girl! I was so surprised. Looking forward to going and getting some pink clothes with ruffles on the butt. LOL.

But most importantly she looks healthy which is all I wanted. Thanks for the continued prayers it means to world to me.

It's a . . . .

uncooperative baby! LOL. So everything they could see looked normal, but the baby was moving around like crazy so they had a very hard time getting the measurements they needed. They were not able to get a good look at the heart which is one of the main defects they are looking for, so I have to go back in two weeks for another ultrasound. They also tried to get a good look at the gender but the baby would not spread its legs apart enough to confirm anything. So I am partly relieved that they saw none of the soft markers for down's syndrome, but I won't feel completely ok until they can get a good look at the heart. So here is to another two week wait. I will keep you posted!

So tomorrow is the day...

Tomorrow is the day of the "Big" ultrasound. And I have to admit I am pretty nervous. I have done alot of research, so I know what "markers" they will be looking for. I wanted to feel prepared for whatever is thrown at me, so I know what questions to ask. My husband does not understand this, but it makes me feel I little more controlled in a situation that is completely out of my control. I just want this baby to be healthy.

It is also a bit exciting finding out what the baby is too. That is, if the baby cooperates. I have gone back and forth a bit on whether I wanted to find out the sex or not. In the end I feel that I do want to know because I think it will help me bond with this baby and will make the pregnancy seem more real to me.

I still feel at times in a state of disbelief. Not really fully believing that there will be a baby in December. Though this may be natural protection mechanism after all that I have been through, I worry that it will hinder me being able to bond with this baby.

I will update tomorrow night. Thanks for all the prayers and support.

2nd Trimester! Still hanging in there!

So here it is week 17! I really can't believe it. I am still in a constant state of disbelief. I still tend to "forget" that I am pregnant. Although I do have a belly, it is that in between stage where people are wondering is she pregnant or does she just drink too much beer. I am still stressing, but not as regularly. I listen to the baby's heartbeat everyday with the doppler and do get upset when I don't find it right away. This drives my husband absolutely nuts.

I go back the OB next week on the 28th and then the "big" ultrasound is scheduled for August 4th. The Genetics place is having me come back there to have the ultrasound. I am still really nervous about this. But whatever will be will be. My husband really wants to know the sex of the baby. We didn't find out with our first, he was a surprise. So that will be different. I am wondering if knowing what the baby is will make me more bonded? I do worry about mistakes though. Someone I know just had a baby a month or so ago and they told her she was having a another girl, so they had everything ready and had been calling "her" Alexandra since they found out. And surprise, surprise, "she" turned out to be an he. A little shocking. But I figure they only had the one big ultrasound where I will be having monthly ultrasounds so I guess I can just have them make sure each month.

The last few weeks have been pretty calm. Just the regular pregnancy issues, still craving salad, still tired, heartburn has started. Trying hard not to gain too much weight. But what can you do.

Just wanted to update you all, thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

Whatever will be will be. . . .

We met with the Genetic Counselor this week and it was very informative. It seem that only one of the three things they consider for the first trimester screening was abnormal.

My HCG was normal, the baby's nuchal fold was normal, it was only the papp-A which was abnormal coming back lower than average. Which is why my risk for a child with down syndrome rose from my age related risk of 1 in 215 to 1 in 131.

Yes, this is still less than one percent and the risk of the amnio is anywhere from 1 in 300 to 1 in 1000 depending on which study you refer to.

So hubby and I have decided not to have the amnio because we worked too hard to get to this point in a pregnancy and would not be able to live with ourselves if we lost the pregnancy due to the test. We are going to proceed with the second trimester screening in a few weeks and then have the detailed anatomy scan at 19 weeks. The Genetic counselor said if this scan come back clean for any soft markers then my risk will be recalculated and lessened.

On another note though the decreased papp-A value has been linked to other pregnancy complications, such as placental insufficiency, fetal death, preterm birth, IUGR, low birth weight and preclampsia. So the Dr has decided she will monitor me more closely with monthly ultrasound with focus on the placenta. Especially since my mother lost three pregnancies between 18 and 24 weeks.

So for now we are just letting it all go with God, whatever will be will be. It is out of our control. Until the baby is viable, even if there is a problem with the placenta, nothing can really be done. So I cannot stress over something that is beyond human control.

Reality Bites...

So today was a bad day. My car broke down in the middle of a Burger King drive thru.A bunch of workers had to come push my car out of the way. So embarassing. It was pretty hot out too. While waiting for the tow truck I got a call from my Dr.my first trimester screening came back with a slightly elevated postive for down syndrome. I felt like someone had knocked the wind right out of me. Here I had been so worried about everything else and the one thing I didn't even give a second thought to has come to call. So the chance of downs is 1 in 131 according to the blood test even though the ultrasound was completely normal. Not even sure how to feel right now. Dr recommended going to speak to a genetic counselor so I guess I will call and make an appointment tomorrow. I am feeling angry right I just want things to easy for a change is that really too much to ask?

12 weeks - I can't believe it

So my husband somehow fried our computer with a virus and I am posting from my new blackberry so apologize if the formatting is screwy. All went well at my ultrasound on Thursday. My mother, mother in law, husband and son were all there. The baby looked great, measuring right on target and nuchal fold looked normal. It was moving all around and even got the hiccups while we were watching. It was very surreal.

It was sort of bitter sweet day however as I had found out that morning that one of friend's baby boy had died the day before at 37 weeks. I was absolutely heartbroken for her and her family.It was also a reminder how fragile life is and how just because you make it that far nothing is a certainty.

I will most likely never feel secure and truly believe I will get a baby until he or she is alive and in my arms.