HCG went up...went the %$&! Ectopic?

So I had my beta drawn again yesterday. Praying it was getting lower so I could just get on with this miscarriage.

But no, it actually went up. It is now 117. Which explains why I have not started bleeding yet.

I had the ultrasound and nothing was seen anywhere, but this is not surprising since my levels are still so low. Usually nothing can be seen on an u/s until your levels are at least 800. But the problem there is once they get that high the possibility of a tube rupture is high if it is in fact ectopic.

Dr. wanted me to have the Methotrexate shot to dissolve the pregnancy today. She suspects that it is ectopic. And since it is in her opinion not viable any way due to the low beta levels, it is better to be safe than sorry.

I am very reluctant to have this shot for many reasons. First of which, it means I have to wean my son immediately, which was not my plan. I wanted to do it gradually (he is down to only nursing once a day right before bed). Second because it is chemo, it can cause severe reactions and illness. And third because you have to wait three months to try to concieve again. And fourth it does not always work the first time, and each additional shot adds another 3 months onto the time you have to wait to conceive.

Dr agreed to let me have Beta drawn again tomorrow, and then again on Monday. And I have to come back into office on Monday. If Beta goes up tomorrow, she wants we to go to emergency. She also said that is I have any pain I am to call the on call dr. and go to the emergency room. I thought this was a good trade off.

I am praying that it goes down tomorrow.

I cried for awhile but I am so mad right now. It is not bad enough to be losing this pregnancy but to have to go through the possible ectopic scare too, just seems over the top.

please pray for me that I can pass this on my own....