Monday, December 1, 2008

This ones over...miscarrage #3

Well the one of the Dr.'s from group called last night. My beta went down to 74, definitely not a viable pregnancy. So she said the bleeding would likely get heavier in the next day or so. I tried so hard not to cry on the phone, but it didn't work. She was so nice about it and apologized and offered to have the office call me in the morning to schedule an appointment.

When the Dr called me and DH, were just getting ready to go over to my family's house for dinner, so DH called them and let them know we weren't coming. And then I just sobbed my heard out until I couldn't cry anymore.

Then I got angry! Why do someone people have it so easy, they get pregnant, stay pregnant, never ever thinking that something might go wrong. It is so unfair. I feel like I can never actually say I am having a baby. I can only say I am pregnant, because being pregnant for me does not necessarily lead to a baby in 9 months, actually more often than not, it seems it definitely does not. Miscarriage is cruel. It takes the innocence away from pregnancy. It makes you walk on eggshells, afraid to even be happy or hopeful for a second.

What is the point of being able to get pregnant so easily if I can't stay pregnant! I would almost rather not be able to get pregnant at all..then I wouldn't keep getting my hopes up, just to be crushed again.

I will not forget about these little ones lost...
m/c #1 - May 27, 2005 - 10 weeks
m/c #2 - August 31, 2006- 5 weeks
m/c #3 - November 30, 2008 - 4 weeks, 4 days


Anonymous said...

I am sorry to have to agree, but i feel the same way. It's so hard to deal with and where their should be joy there is anxiety. I have had 3 miscarriages in the last 7 months. All at about 5 weeks. My husband and i are at a loss. MY most recent began today and unfortunately I recognize the signs only to well. My biggest fear is that i may never be able to have a baby.

amanda said...

your posts have spoken the emotions I have ,and am going threw.I relised that the posts are a few years old,however I just had a miscarrage a few weeks ago.i lost my twins at 11 weeks(ttts).The d and c was violent.I was not put under anasteasa,and I wish I was.It was horrible,violent,and worst of all I was in a room with girls getting abortions.Thanks for putting your expeariance out there ,so sorry you had to go threw it.