Tuesday, February 3, 2009

I just want to be normal.

My dr's appointment and final ultrasound are tomorrow morning. I am of scared of facing the cold hard crappy truth. I know that the news tomorrow is going to be grim. I know there are choices I am going to have to make. But I don't want to.

I want to be one of those women that gets pregnant and just has a baby. No doubts, no second guessing, no hard choices, no anxiety, no grief, no mourning. I hate this.

I wanted this baby more than ever, no one should have to go through this multiple times. I know some have it much worse than me too, and my heart grieves for them.

I know what tomorrow will bring. But I want a miracle. I want none of this to have ever happened. I want to be able to pregnant and be happy.

I want to be normal.

2 comments:

HeatherV said...

I stumbled accoss your blog tonight as I posted to the TTC after miscarriage board on babycenter for the first time. I have a history of miscarrage due to PCOS. I was finally blessed with a son in June 2006. We are trying for a 2nd with little success. I too have a visit to the RE this week to get a game plan on. I am sending you hope tomorrow but also a hug if the results are what your gut is telling you.

Waiting for Baby said...

Thanks so much, I really did need that hug..I will keep you in my prayers for baby #2.