Monday, February 9, 2009

This is about me.

Well there has been no progress, just barely spotting a little here or there. Nothing consistent. Guess I am going to have to go through this D & C whether I want too or not. It is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. I am scared.

I have made some progress emotionally. I seem to cry a little less each day, although I am still having nightmares. I am trying to live, going about my routine, giving myself things to do places to go. But I feel like I am just going through the motions. Just doing what I am "supposed" to do, not what I want to do.

I have finally started talking to my friends again after not returning calls for a week. I just needed some time to myself before I could deal with the rest of the world. I still cannot face my Brother and Sister in Law and my new niece. That is just too much, too close to home. So I have avoided the family dinners for the last two week. Not sure when I will be ready to go back, but I just know I am not ready now. That has upset some people in my family, they feel I am being selfish by keeping myself from them. But I need to do this for myself.

This about me NOT them.

3 comments:

Alicia said...

Hi, I got your blog off of BBC cautiously expecting board. I had the same problem with a couple members of the family not understanding how hard it is to be around new babies, and I have been avoiding family gatherings for many months now. If a person hasnt been through the pain of multiple losses, they just dont understand and can even be mean about it.
BTW, I also have lost 4 babies... 3 last year, and 1 before my DS was born. And at this point I have had testing done, and theres no obvious cause. I think some of us are just blessed with terrible luck.
Has your OB talked to you about putting you on progesterone and baby asprin? If not, I would ask him/her about it. I have heard alot of success stories from using those.
Praying that you get your rainbow baby soon and that you can heal quickly, both physically and emotionally. I know it sucks, but it will get better.

Michelle said...

I just came here from LFCA and I just wanted to say I am so sorry about your loss. I have had several myself and I know sorry just isn't enough.I wish I could say or do more. I am sending you lots of hugs. Take care of yourself!

noswimmers said...

I am SO very sorry for your loss. You're right, this is about YOU. Take all the time you need.
Sending BIG HUGS and warmth to you.