Monday, February 2, 2009

Infertility? Me ? What?

I called the Reproductive Endocrinologist that my Ob recommended today to make an appointment. When I said I wanted to make an appointment, the nice lady on the other end of the phone asked if it was for infertility? I said oh no, it is for recurrent miscarriages, and she paused and sweetly said dear that is infertility. My heart fell, I made the appointment got off the phone and sat there for awhile totally in shock.

I never considered myself infertile even through all this. I mean I get pregnant so easily, I have gotten pregnant every time we tried on the first try, and even once when we weren't trying. So how is it that the medical community has deemed me infertile.

So after I recovered from that, I went to write the date of the appointment on my calendar and I had to flip the month, as I realized January was over, but there was March, I flipped back again..there was no February. How did I end up with a calendar with no February. Nope the pages weren't stuck together, and after further investigation I realized there also was no November. I sat there and laughed harder than I have in a while. Only I could end up with a calendar with missing months. Maybe this was a bad omen...or maybe it was just my dumb luck. Anyhow I guess I will be pretty lazy those two months since I can't schedule anything. LOL


The Shumards said...

I am so so sorry for your losses and wish I could give you a hug. I found your blog from a search I did. After three healthy full term pregnancies I have just lost my fourth at 19 weeks this past December. We had a little girl and I can relate to your dreams. I had a dream that my husband and I got to see our little girl again and when they brought her to us she started breathing. When I woke up I felt so let down again. I do believe though that God is aware of us in our time of greif and sorrow and it has brought me comfort in knowing that He knew I could handle this trial. Although this doesn't make the pain any easier it is not without hope. For me the question seems to be what am I supposed to learn from all this. I want to share a quote from one of my church leaders that spoke to me when I read it.
"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundred fold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.
One of the blessings of the gospel is the knowledge that when the curtain of death signals the end of our mortal lives, life will continue on the other side of the veil. There we will be given new opportunities. Not even death can take from us the eternal blessings promised by a loving Heavely Father." (Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin)
Know that the life of your little angels had purpose.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

fertilefoods said...

I too am so sorry for your loss. Remember that doctors have a limited number of diagnoses that they use so they may put all "having trouble conceiving" under infertility. Consider taking some time to get your body in balance. I would recommend reading Dr. Randine Lewis' The Infertility Cure- it helps to address the underlying imbalances that could be contributing to your miscarriages. I hope this will be helpful to you!