Miscarriage #4 , it's offical

Well the ultrasound this morning (as I feared) showed no heartbeat and sac is beginning to destabilize. So this one is over. My heart is broken. This is miscarriage #4.

Doctor gave me three options.

1. Misoprostol (Cytotec) : this causes the cervix to dilate and the uterus to contract. It is intended to induce or expedite a "natural miscarriage". It usually causes painful cramping, diarrhea, heavy bleeding. Cons are that you still have to go through the pain, and "see" the bleeding and tissue pass, you could hemorrhage, or the miscarriage could be incomplete and you would still need a D & C. It is successful about 53% of the time. Not great odds in my opinion...really don't want to go through all that pain, end up hemorrhaging and having to go to the ER and getting a D & C from some random Dr.

2. D & C: also known as dilation and curettage, this is a surgical procedure. The cervix is dilated and the contents of the uterus are removed either by scraping (curettage) or suction (evacuation or vacuum aspiration) . This usually done under anesthesia, in which you are asleep. Pros are this is relatively quick procedure and it is all over. You don't have any waiting to do. No horrible cramping or excessive bleeding. Less pain than the other options. You do not have to "see" anything. AF usually returns after 4-6 weeks. The Cons are that you have to go to the hospital, be under anesthesia (which I am petrified of), there are risks of infection, scarring, damage to uterus, of course the risks of these are low).

3. "Natural" Miscarriage: You just wait for your body to take care of everything. This will result in painful cramping, heavy bleeding, passing tissue. Cons to this is that it is unpredictable, there is no way of knowing how long you will have to wait and when the bleeding will start, you still have to deal with the pain, bleeding and "seeing" the passing of everything, your body may not pass everything and you will still need to get a D & C.

I really don't want to have the D & C but dh really thinks it will be the best way to go. Plus I have the appt with the RE on Thursday, so it will let us move on to the next stage. Unfortunately Dr can't do it until Wed, since that is her next surgery day at the hospital. This will probably delay any blood tests the RE will want to do, since the pregnancy hormones will probably still be in my system.

Basically all the choices suck! No one should have to be faced with having to make a decision like this, it just makes it hurt that much more.

So I will probably call the Dr in morning and schedule the surgery for Wednesday since I really just want this to be over. But with my luck that it probably means I will start hemorrhaging over the weekend and end up in the ER.

I know, I know I need to be more positive... but right now I just can't see the light at the end of tunnel.